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     Of all of the hundreds of strip clubs I’ve visited in the past thirty-nine years, dear reader, I swear on my mother’s grave this is the best.  There’ll never be another like it.  In the words of my favorite ex-convict, Martha Stewart: “It’s a good thing.”

     I step inside the theater and enter a spacious, carpeted foyer and, as usual, I pause a moment to study the room directly to my left on the other side of a red velvet rope.  This room is dedicated to all of the famous strippers and porn stars who’ve danced here; their 8X10 colored glossies covering an entire wall: Nina Hartly, Kia, Jill Kelly, Jenna Jameson, Mimi Myagi, Vienna Hall, Corinne Williams, etc.  All the blue classic artists are there.

     And while I’m feasting my eyes, dear reader, let me give you a quick rundown on what makes this strip club so unique:

     Well, boys and girls, for starters there’s the variety; you have six venues to choose from:

     “New York Live” is first and foremost, which is a theater with a gorgeous, polished wood stage, where twenty or so dancers are booked to strip per shift -  performing two-song sets bathed in a body-caressing pink spotlight - employing excellent sound and stage lighting systems.  This show is nonstop.

     “The Green Door” (named after the Mitchell Brothers famous porn flick) is a more modest theater next door that runs an hourly show with four ladies doing a striptease-lesbian act on a compact stage that descends, allowing the nude ladies to climb onto the padded, round tabletops the patrons are sitting around.

     “The Ultra Room” is also an hourly show, where private booths surround a minor stage that a pair of ladies strip on, then, at your invitation, will slip nude into the booth with you.

     “The Kopenhagen” is a plush, carpeted room with a massive horseshoe-shaped couch surrounding the room where all the patrons sit.  The interior is done entirely in burgundy and black, with heavy velvet curtains that can seal off each individual seat from view.  Hourly a pair of ladies perform a lesbian-striptease on the lushly carpeted floor, which the patrons illuminate with flashlights – evidently a Danish predilection - and, after the “show,” they will be happy to join you nude on the couch.

     “The Private Cabanas,” next to The Kopenhagen, are my personal favorite, and I promise to give you a detailed description in future of what goes on inside them.

     In addition to the above there are a series of private rooms, for private “shows,” at two different locations in the club, plus a cinema, running nonstop skin flicks, complete with private booths on the top back row.

     As you can appreciate at this point, dear reader, there’s a little something for everybody here. 

     The décor throughout the club is done surprisingly with taste and includes thickly piled carpeting, luxurious tapestries and overstuffed leather couches and armchairs.  The place has more of a gentleman’s club atmosphere than a strip-joint.  There’s no booze allowed or smoking.  A snack bar serves sodas, candy, granola bars, fruit juices and various waters.  The clientele is upper middle-class (no hoods or drug peddlers) and will often include ladies.  As for the dancers, besides being local, some will commute from as far away as Las Vegas, New York, Chicago, Miami and Honolulu.  These “commuters” usually share a “crash pad” here in San Francisco with other dancers.

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